Twas the Night before Christmas
- Justin Hendrix
8:12 AM - 24 Dec 2017
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the House Republicans were scurrying, to protect the Big Louse; Manila envelopes were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that indictments soon would be there;
Democrats were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of grand juries danced in their heads; And Pelosi in her 'kerchief, and Schumer in his cap, Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When at Mar-A-Lago there arose such a clatter, Secret Service sprang from their beds to see what's the matter. Away to the window they flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the distant 9th hole Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But an FBI van, with agents in the rear,
With a little old driver, so lively and clever, I knew in a moment it must be Bob Mueller! More rapid than roaches his targets they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, MANAFORT! now, GATES! now, PAPADOPOULOS and FLYNN! On, KUSHNER! on SESSIONS! on, DON JR. and BANNON! To the interview table! To the halls of the SCIF! Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, So up to the house-top the traitors they flew, With the sleigh full of evidence, and guilty pleas too!
And then, in a twinkling, I heard a buzz on my phone The beeping notification came with a warm tone As I drew in my hand, and was turning around, Down my screen the tweets came in with a bound.
@realdonaldtrump, from his head to his thumb, Spewed forth such nonsense, so utterly dumb And his face was red with rage and spittle; A string of insults directed toward the FBI, Left his lawyers all shouting, WHY, DONALD, WHY?
His eyes -- how they flashed! His orange tan, how scary! His cheeks were like a hamster's, his nose like a cherry! His troll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the gobbler on his chin hung down rather low ;
The polident barely held tight his fake teeth, The toupee encircled his head like a wreath; He had a broad face and an expanding round belly, That shook, when he golfed, like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right racist old elf, And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself; An emptiness in his eyes and the nothing in his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a true word, but mountains of lies, Filled his donor's stockings; then turned like a jerk, And laying his finger on his smartphone, He sent out some tweets, a Twitter cyclone;
Each one incriminating, an act of obstruction, And away they all flew, a great self destruction! But I heard him exclaim, ere I drove out of sight, IT WAS ALL A HOAX, I WON THE ELECTION OUTRIGHT!